“When you let go, you create space for better things to enter your life.”- Unknown

Recently, I got out of a relationship. That probably explains all the poems and posts about love but what can I say? I truly loved this guy, and once the realization that our relationship was coming to an end had hit, I totally lost it. I mean that literally. It seemed like I was mourning a death that never happened, although it felt as if someone had died. Surely something did die, and that was the connection we once had. As more days pass, we talk less and less, which is a reminder that 2 years of love amounts to nothing once it is gone. Nothing can compare to the feeling of loosing someone of importance in life. He made me feel complete and once he was gone I felt lost. But break ups are bound to happen in life and once I learned to accept that, I indulged into something I like to call “The 3 Stages of Finding Yourself After a Break Up”. Yes, its a long title, I KNOW.

1. Love

After years of loving him, I learned that it was time to love myself. Indeed the first step of finding myself after a relationship was realizing that I did not need love from anyone else but myself. I deserved to be loved as much as he was, in fact I learned to love myself even more than I loved him. Of course this is easier said than done. When one gets out of a relationship, (and their significant other decides to be an asshole and blame them for everything) they start to notice flaws in themselves and their self esteem will hit an all time low. In that moment of self detest, it will be very difficult to see the beauty in oneself. Not only that, but one may also stop caring about their appearance and health because they do not feel worthy of the sweet goodness life holds. However, when you learn that your love doesn’t have to be for anyone else but yourself, you will start finding beauty in everything you do and you are. As a result of that, you begin to do things differently with a different aura and that is when the next stage is introduced.

2. Change

Ahh “change”. The most refreshing stage of finding yourself. Sometimes the only way to heal after a break up is to flip the pages into a new chapter. “Pages” meaning life. You can not continue to live in those memories of bliss when both you and your ex were in a relationship. Those good memories may be nice to reminisce on, but they only prolong the healing process.  Surely, one can see how change is beneficial because you remove yourself from all toxic situations and start on a journey of self rejuvenation. Change allows you to explore things you weren’t able to do when in a relationship. Also, you will find that you will have a lot of EXTRA TIME, which to me was the best part of finding myself. With extra time, you can use that time to take up a hobby and focus more on yourself (and what’s more better than that??). Time is inevitable, and we have the option to use it however we please. So why spend your days sulking about something that can not be changed? What happened has happened, and the best thing to do is go out and explore the world and its vast possibilities. After all, with more time on your hands, there is nothing stopping you from becoming the best person you can be.

3. Creativity 

Creativity. What more can I say? This stage is personally the most effective stage when healing after a break up. If you’re an artistic person like me, this stage can also be the stage of inspiration. Never have I been so in tuned with my emotions until that week of the break up. I could literally feel my energy radiating out of my body into small words scribbled across paper that somehow, felt as thin as the walls that were once used to guard my emotions. When creativity came I allowed myself to be vulnerable, and it was the most exhilarating feeling ever. Everything I wrote and felt was real. Not only that, but I become grateful that I was able to experience pain and learned how to deal with it. When events happen in our life, they exposed us to various emotions that soon become a base for something we will work on in the future. Whether it is a story, poem, article, song, or even a painting, our experiences help shape our minds into the beautiful master pieces they are now. I know this sections is pretty short, but that is the art of creativity, it is hard to explain, but once experienced it is amazing. After a break up, our minds will always find a way to remind us that whatever we are going through is just another experience, it will only last for a brief moment, and once it is gone it will be something that we can look back on as inspiration to guide us through later life battles.

There you have it, these are my “3 Stages of Finding Yourself After a Break Up”. Yes, this is a long post, but I would like to end it with this:

Break ups are not the end of the world. I believe they are opportunities to find yourself and  enjoy your own company without depending on anyone. It is very important to enjoy these moments of loneliness and self reflection, because one day someone will come along and you might never feel this loneliness again.

Yours Truly,

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Painting by: Horacio Quiroz

Posted by:A'Isha Adams

The mind of a frantic poet. The ambition of an entrepreneur. And lastly, the heart of an old soul.

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